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No Romance, Just a bad break up…

Seemingly, it would be impossible and almost absurd to be writing a blog of this kind and ignore yesterday’s news; the closing of Modern Bride and Elegant Bride, Gourmet and Cookie. And yet, perusing the web I find a plethora of business and news entries and, forgive me if I’ve missed it, not one scintilla of analysis from anyone in the wedding business.  Could it be that this lack of introspection is a piece of what’s wrong?

The editors of Modern Bride, most recently the innovative and sharp-as-a-tack Antonia Van der Meer, have been wonderful, supportive and close personal friends.  For several years before Modern Bride was under the same rule as Brides, starting under the brilliant Stacey Morrison (now the editor in chief of Redbook) and continuing under Tony’s rule, I wrote a column for the magazine for which I was, and am, extremely grateful.  I know each and every top editor and writer at Modern Bride and many at Elegant Bride, and have enormous professional regard for almost all of them, most of whom are major league talents.

So, how is this possible, and does that mean that out of deference we shouldn’t be analyzing what in the world happened? Well, I don’t think so…

To begin, the internal memo send to staffers from the CEO of Conde Nast, Chuck Townsend was ice cold:

“As a result of our review, Brides will increase its frequency to monthly to solidify its position as the most important brand in the bridal category, and Modern Bride and Elegant Bride will close…………
The editorial and business staffs of Modern Bride, Elegant Bride, Gourmet, and Cookie all have earned their magazines large and devoted followings. We have been proud to publish these titles, and we are grateful to the staffs for their hard work and dedication.”  Whew…

The fact is that the company decided it was not going to continue to fund publications that don’t make money- clear and simple.

Take a look at the last issues of Elegant Bride and Modern Bride- and now take a look at Brides, is there a mystery here?  I can only tell you this: Brides pages are chock-a-block with information- Maria McBride’s (and yes, she’s one of my best friends) 32-page Floral Workshop 2009 is Outrageously Gorgeous AND filled with useful info and tools- there was clearly an investment of money and resources to produce it.  In the painfully thin Modern Bride, the home piece by Linda Seidman and Linda Hirst (again- REALLY talented women who have turned out sparkling and stylish reception pieces for years) looks like it was culled from the outtakes of a Pottery Barn catalog.

Was too much money spent, as some insiders have suggested, on Trendsetters Awards or making stars of us “vendors” and not enough on getting under the skin of the brides? Was the staff just spread much too thin in this bare bones economy for them to be able to produce to their capabilities? Is it, as the New York Times suggested today about Gourmet, a commentary on the changing tastes and clout of the middle class?

A look at Elegant Bride is also enlightening.  I have loved the fashion layouts under all the various incarnations that that poor magazine has gone through. But, a current FALL issue with a pink and fuschia cover? Or last issue’s Safari Theme wedding inspiration board? Or a precious FULL page on that “fabulous new idea” of custom wax seals on the back of envelopes with this in the copy: “You can pay a little extra to assure they do not go through automated machines at the post office, which would damage the seal.”  Okay, remind me of that next time three of my staff and myself are in the post office begging some clerk to allow us to pay dearly for hand canceling.

So, where does this leave us?

I am neither Malcolm Gladwell nor Margaret Mead, nor am I pompous enough to give you an all encompassing treatise on the demise of the magazine industry. I can only tell you what I see in my own little corner of all this:

The editor-in-chief of Brides, Millie Martini Bratten, is very, very smart, very decent, and has assembled a great and loyal team.  She has her work cut out for her, that is for sure.  The powers that be have made it clear to all remaining that The Knot is the target, and, let’s not forget about all the other players in this market: Bridal Guide, InStyle Weddings, Martha Stewart Weddings and the still very pretty, but also scarily skinny, Town & Country Weddings, plus the gazillions of others?

It’s going to be interesting for sure, and things are going to change, and putting our blushers down is not going to make it go away…

My friend, Sheila Lukins

My friend of many, many years, Sheila Lukins, died August 30 at the age of 66 and, while I wasn’t sure I would write about her, I realized today that I would.

Sheila and I had an intense, ebb and flow relationship (both being Scorpios and pretty tough cookies) and much to my deep regret and sadness, we were in an ebb stage when she was diagnosed and she passed away three months later.  Ah, but when we flowed, we really, really flowed.

We became friends in the  1980’s when I returned from a “stage” or apprenticeship with several chefs in Bordeaux.  My time there, under the auspices of the Chamber of Commerce of Bordeaux, was life-changing and I befriended anyone who would tolerate my pigeon French.  Each and every chef, diplomat, or bureaucrat I encountered asked me, with a huge grin, if I knew Sheila Lukins, so when I came back to the states, I made it my business to.

She was a wildly talented illustrator, and an innovative and brilliant cook who would devise seemingly crazy combinations that were, of course, perfect (she served us homemade chocolate bread and persimmon for dessert one night and it remains one of the best things I’ve ever eaten).  She was also, while teeny, incredibly, palpably sexy; copious hair piled on top of her head, lots of vintage jewelry and elegantly low cut tops that revealed exquisite lace and satin camisoles underneath.  The chefs all loved her and she loved to flirt, but more than that she loved her husband and her daughters and her life.  She was a friend and a mentor who taught me about business (never discuss money she would say, have someone else do it for you, that way you can still be the artist), about food (she maintained the secret to E.A.T.s habit-forming egg salad was extra yolks) and about personal style.

In those days, before the era of fabulously famous chefs, it was going out with a super star when you went out to eat with Sheila.  You could get into any restaurant, you would get the best table, and huge amounts of food would come out from the kitchen gratis (although one not-very-bright chef sent out things to taste and then added them to our bill- she was not happy and yes, she let him know that) and it was always jolly, always a party.

Our summer homes in Connecticut were near each other, and many weekends she and Richard, Peter and I, and my mother would drive together to Tanglewood.  For those who don’t know, Tanglewood is an extraordinary music venue in the Berkshires, where, on a beautiful evening, everyone brings a picnic.  The picnics can be crazily elaborate; linens and candelabras, silver vases and good wines.  Our settings were pretty yet not over the top- but once everyone clocked who had done the cooking, we were quite popular.

We had spent the weekend together in 1991 as I recall, before the day when Sheila had the aneurism that almost killed her and left her a different person.  I remember bits and pieces of Richard’s phone call and the fact that he had to decide what the exact treatment would be and he had to decide immediately.  Sheila got lucky in that she survived, but it was a long and beyond difficult road back- one that not many people would have had the capacity to take.  When we would visit her at the rehabilitation center, she would make the most inappropriate jokes and we would laugh ourselves sick- that was all there was to do while she fought and clawed and basically willed herself to walk and then to cook again.

When the second version of Weddings For Dummies was published, she threw an incredibly stylish book party for my  co-author Laura and me in her fabulous apartment with her newly amazing kitchen in the Beresford.  Almost everyone invited came, and I am sure it was more because it was thrown by Sheila than it was about the book or the authors. We were both divorced by then, and she would entertain my Southern musician boyfriend, when he came to town, by inviting us up for Shun Lee- he adored her and particularly loved to tell everyone back in Tennessee that while he frequently ate at one of the world’s most famous chef’s homes, all he ever got was Chinese takeout.

Sheila and I had dinner at Charles in the West Village a few months before she became ill and we had a great time.  Many years before, I had given her bakelite bangles for her birthday, and whenever we went out together she would wear them, it was a subtle reminder of our bond and that night, while she teased me for dragging her downtown and chided me for something not too clever that I had done in business, she was wearing those bracelets- that made me very happy and still does.

at my book party

My Neighborhood- a primer in creativity

Almost three years ago I was dragged  kicking and screaming from my home of 25 years in the West Village. Well it wasn’t quite that dramatic except in my psyche.  The brownstone I had been renting for all that time was going to be sold and I had no choice but to relocate.  I was miserable and looked everywhere to find someplace that made me even a smidgen as happy as living there had, I didn’t think it was possible and was alternately angry or comatose.  I focused lots of my misery on Marc Jacobs as he was omnipresent and I was certain if he hadn’t opened 40 or 50 stores around the corner, I could still afford to live where I wished to.  It was an awful time.  But, then I got lucky-  I came upon Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn, and while  I did swear that I would never be one of those obnoxious outer-boroughers that went on and on about how much they love being out of Manhattan, I have fallen deeply, and madly in love with it.  A particularly fetish of mine has become the front gardens that Carroll Gardens is famous for, I adore them.

The amazing part is, each front garden is almost identical in size, the houses are set back from the street about 30 or 40 feet and the space before the front doors is around 20 by 20 square give or take a few feet.  What an outrageous and eclectic array of choices my neighbors have made! It’s truly astonishing and amuses me no end in my wanderings.  I choose a different way home every time I go out shopping so I can encounter a new variation.

It’s an obvious metaphor I know (what we all do with more or less the same space), but I couldn’t resist sharing it with you:

while some Carroll Gardeners grow minimalist, elegant odes to nature.

And my personal favorite, the one that gets me every time:

Do you believe in magic? Part 2 of 2

Okay let’s get back to talking about conjuring magic of all sizes and shapes . We recently had the pleasure of creating a celebration commemorating the birthdays of both a mother and her son.  Let’s just say the total of their years gave us the perfect theme- late 1960s-197o (ish)- how delighted I was to celebrate Woodstock’s 40th and get paid for it.  While it certainly was not an inexpensive party by any “real world” standards, it was still to be funky, low key and not to be perceived as over the top (first time you are hearing this, right?),  particularly because half of the guests were in their early 20s.  So, the challenge was how to subtly yet smashingly (and without resorting to illegal substances) make this party playful and sexy for two very different groups of guests. Obviously, it had to start with the guests being into it . The invitation advised them to dress “circa 1970″ and, on the back, gave them some clues by listing the zillions of groovy, bizarre or impactful events that had taken place that year from the premiere of All In The Family to the First Earth Day to the opening of Disney in Orlando.

The client had chosen an exquisite restaurant, but it was way too big for the amount of  guests, so we had to figure out how to keep it from  looking like a furniture warehouse- we decided to empty it and use it as a huge loft with posters and bean bags.

The entrance way was a good opportunity  to set the tone simply and graphically-a bead curtain and a Happy Birthday gobo in “R Crumb”ish script did the trick:

The perfect welcome drink- tequila sunrises

Claire Bean Design created the floral renditions of iconic posters and Matt Murphy (both of East Hampton) did the beautious lighting.

Peace sign projection on sailboat in the bar

A retro hors d’oeuvres spread included fondue (although I may have been the only person who realized it was  tongue in cheek, but it amused me) but the most important magical touch was my personal favorite- the hippie ducks- lined up on the bar (reminded me of  former boyfriends):

Do you believe in magic? …Part 1 of a 2 part post

Today I’m chatting with you about magic.  It occurs to me that those of us who work in events make J.K. Rowling look like an amateur.  Parties, just like restaurants, can either soar or sink.  It doesn’t have to be anything dramatic to doom a party; the bride doesn’t have to fall down the stairs during the ceremony, the band leader doesn’t have to be slurring, it’s something transcendental and, if you are a pro, or even an inveterate party goer, you know it when it happens.

Recently, I was fascinated by an article in the New York Times about Graydon Carter and how he works on the seating of his two very HOT restaurants, Waverly Inn and The Monkey Bar.  While the reporter was intrigued with the psychological issues prompting Mr. Carter to act as “puppet master”, I knew that he was on the wrong track.  I thought, no, that isn’t what juices this very powerful editor of Vanity Fair, it was clear to me that he was just one of us and what he got his kicks from, each and every evening, was painstakingly and methodically making magic.

We often talk of the “WOW” moment, and so many of my clients over the years have emphasized the importance of their guests walking into their wedding or soiree and just being blown away by the beauty of it.  They want their jaws to drop, and this is certainly not to be dismissed as a precious part of the whole equation.  Truthfully though, if there aren’t talented wizards at work with a template of all the enchanted moments that can and will be conjured up, a drop dead gorgeous room or a gigunda centerpiece can get old pretty fast…

This is where the most talented among us really shine, this is the nitty gritty of our business; the sorcery that helps us decide who this particular crowd is and what sort of music is playing for them as guests arrive, where do they get their first drink, who is making a toast or a speech and for how long (and who should be banned from approaching the mic), what is the emergency procedure for a lull on the dance floor (I’m infamous for sending gorgeous bouncy Lea, my second-in-command, and her crew out on the dance floor as shills), what works as a surprise and what might be too jarring, how are the guests leaving and what is their last memory of the evening?  This list is just a smidgen of the ingredients in the potion, and, as we all know too well- there are no recipes because the variables change each time.

Here’s the bottom line though, and I honestly believe this,  those of us who are worth our salt, and there are certainly plenty, got into this whacko world for that very reason- we had delusions of being Merlin or Glinda.  The pay off is that sometimes, when the moon is in the right place and mercury is not retrograding, we can get pretty damn close!

Over and Out…….

So rumor has it that at Engage 09, the luxury wedding symposium in the Cayman Islands, a very vociferous planner in the audience attempted to bully the very elegant and very ladylike Darcy Miller into spilling what “trends” she thought had run their course.  While Darcy is far too clever to be baited so easily, Eventista has no such qualms and actually has been chomping at the bit to give everyone the list of things she, personally, thinks are VERY MUCH over…

Some of these items (like a favorite song that the radio destroyed by playing over and over until you could no longer bear even a note) were good ideas once.  Others were always inane, boring or just plain stupid- she will leave you to decide which things cited fall into which categories:

*Tiers of cupcakes as a wedding cake
*Cutesy and colorful candy displays at weddings (replete with insufficiently sturdy paper bags to take your goodies home in)
*”Celebrity” wedding planners (it says so on their websites) whose celebrity client list consists of having worked with Jennifer Aniston’s body double’s third cousin
*Event planners who are now self-proclaimed “lifestyle” experts (Is there a correlation between throwing a good party and pontificating on styling someone’s life? …I’ve missed it)
*White lounge furniture for after-parties (and pretty soon altogether)
*Poor miserable dogs being stuffed into absurd costumes and dragged down the aisle as a flower creature or ring bearer
*Same goes for terrified small children
*Releasing doves (read this horrendous story today http://news.aol.com/article/wedding-doves-stuck-in-nyc-park/591904), butterflies, or any other living creature as a testament to your new-age fabulousness
*Television shows that not only encourage but delight in brides and grooms behaving horrifically
*Bride and groom’s first dance that soooo unexpectedly (wink, wink) turns into disco madness (by the way, the wedding party groove down the aisle that was everywhere this week- that was actually cool)
*Etiquette columnists in bridal mags that don’t have a clue what in the world they are talking about and are advising [poor women who listen to them] some bizarro nonsense
*Starting a sentence with “In this ecomomy…”
*Bridesmaids dresses for under $200 that anyone actually thinks will be worn again
*Pretentious and absurd pronouncements on entertaining, such as “Rum is the new Vodka”
*Event/wedding designers “demonstrating” with no irony whatsoever how they can shop in a bodega and throw an absolutely extraordinary 16th century ball for 12 dollars max
* Inspiration boards that are Kafka-esque in their relation to a real wedding (uh, let’s see- I’ve got a twig, a  sequin, horses, a fountain, a doorknob and George Clooney)
*4-hour posed photo sessions before the wedding ceremony-(bride has to be up at 4 am for hair and makeup)
*”Black tie preferred” (the super-duper passive aggressive attire suggestion)

Oh, and just for good measure, empty restaurants that wont seat incomplete parties…

About Robert Isabell

Instructing the cooks and wait staff how to do their job (of course)

He actually agreed and accompanied me to Wave Hill, where I would be wed and showed me where to place copious flats of Paper Whites and (to this day the scent reminds me of my 1986  wedding) and how to use potted plants as centerpieces and branches in glass vases to frame the ceremony space.  As a grand act of kindess he gifted me with 20 Alencon lace table cloths left from some  rich person’s wedding and that he was about to toss-(they were beautiful and I used them on many weddings in the early years)

We sent him a good bottle of wine as a thank you (I had no idea then what he actually charged for his talents).  I began  my business in earnest soon after,and over the years had several occasions to work with him when clients would hire both of us (often in the mistaken concept that I could or would control him budgetarily) Each time we would begin a project I would remind him that he had “done” my wedding and he would smile/smirk and do his best to politely ignore me for the duration.  Nonetheless, it was always a cosmic and extraordinary experience to witness him at work and each time one entered a party and  saw that the band had almost  invisible white speakers rather than the hideous monstrosities usual on the stage or the centerpieces were flaming torchons that appeared to wirelessly sprout from table centers, those in the know would realize it could only be Robert Isabell at work.

Our clever 'logo' and menu over lace tablecloth

The ceremony

My mother, mother-in-law and friend debating the arrangement of the plants.