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My friend, Sheila Lukins

Posted on | September 21, 2009 | 5 Comments

My friend of many, many years, Sheila Lukins, died August 30 at the age of 66 and, while I wasn’t sure I would write about her, I realized today that I would.

Sheila and I had an intense, ebb and flow relationship (both being Scorpios and pretty tough cookies) and much to my deep regret and sadness, we were in an ebb stage when she was diagnosed and she passed away three months later.  Ah, but when we flowed, we really, really flowed.

We became friends in the  1980’s when I returned from a “stage” or apprenticeship with several chefs in Bordeaux.  My time there, under the auspices of the Chamber of Commerce of Bordeaux, was life-changing and I befriended anyone who would tolerate my pigeon French.  Each and every chef, diplomat, or bureaucrat I encountered asked me, with a huge grin, if I knew Sheila Lukins, so when I came back to the states, I made it my business to.

She was a wildly talented illustrator, and an innovative and brilliant cook who would devise seemingly crazy combinations that were, of course, perfect (she served us homemade chocolate bread and persimmon for dessert one night and it remains one of the best things I’ve ever eaten).  She was also, while teeny, incredibly, palpably sexy; copious hair piled on top of her head, lots of vintage jewelry and elegantly low cut tops that revealed exquisite lace and satin camisoles underneath.  The chefs all loved her and she loved to flirt, but more than that she loved her husband and her daughters and her life.  She was a friend and a mentor who taught me about business (never discuss money she would say, have someone else do it for you, that way you can still be the artist), about food (she maintained the secret to E.A.T.s habit-forming egg salad was extra yolks) and about personal style.

In those days, before the era of fabulously famous chefs, it was going out with a super star when you went out to eat with Sheila.  You could get into any restaurant, you would get the best table, and huge amounts of food would come out from the kitchen gratis (although one not-very-bright chef sent out things to taste and then added them to our bill- she was not happy and yes, she let him know that) and it was always jolly, always a party.

Our summer homes in Connecticut were near each other, and many weekends she and Richard, Peter and I, and my mother would drive together to Tanglewood.  For those who don’t know, Tanglewood is an extraordinary music venue in the Berkshires, where, on a beautiful evening, everyone brings a picnic.  The picnics can be crazily elaborate; linens and candelabras, silver vases and good wines.  Our settings were pretty yet not over the top- but once everyone clocked who had done the cooking, we were quite popular.

We had spent the weekend together in 1991 as I recall, before the day when Sheila had the aneurism that almost killed her and left her a different person.  I remember bits and pieces of Richard’s phone call and the fact that he had to decide what the exact treatment would be and he had to decide immediately.  Sheila got lucky in that she survived, but it was a long and beyond difficult road back- one that not many people would have had the capacity to take.  When we would visit her at the rehabilitation center, she would make the most inappropriate jokes and we would laugh ourselves sick- that was all there was to do while she fought and clawed and basically willed herself to walk and then to cook again.

When the second version of Weddings For Dummies was published, she threw an incredibly stylish book party for my  co-author Laura and me in her fabulous apartment with her newly amazing kitchen in the Beresford.  Almost everyone invited came, and I am sure it was more because it was thrown by Sheila than it was about the book or the authors. We were both divorced by then, and she would entertain my Southern musician boyfriend, when he came to town, by inviting us up for Shun Lee- he adored her and particularly loved to tell everyone back in Tennessee that while he frequently ate at one of the world’s most famous chef’s homes, all he ever got was Chinese takeout.

Sheila and I had dinner at Charles in the West Village a few months before she became ill and we had a great time.  Many years before, I had given her bakelite bangles for her birthday, and whenever we went out together she would wear them, it was a subtle reminder of our bond and that night, while she teased me for dragging her downtown and chided me for something not too clever that I had done in business, she was wearing those bracelets- that made me very happy and still does.

at my book party

Fashionable/Fanciful

Posted on | September 10, 2009 | 3 Comments

To begin with, a Public Service Announcement:

For Fashion’s Night Out tonight, my oh-so-clever friends at Be&D have created this terribly fashionable life-size circus where you can pose with all your favorite fashion icons while  carrying one of their incredible handbags-(of which I own far too many)  Saks Fifth Avenue, 8 pm

Wedhead has a few favorite things to share:

My very favorite new spot as venue for a small rehearsal dinner or a civilized bachelor party bacchanalia is Hotel Griffou.  It’s very hip, but somehow not horribly pretentious.  Our friend Anne Thornton has the world’s most interesting job combo- pastry chef and event manager, so the desserts are heavenly and the parties run well.  The food is good (it’s not “ooh” and “ahh” deserving but it works) and the set up, the design- a maze of cozy rooms including a clubby wine room with a long banquet table, feels celebratory even if you don’t:

And, today I was walking down Madison Avenue and the Men’s Dolce and Gabbana store stopped me dead in my tracks- the fall tuxedos and dinner jackets are so lush (the over-the-top quilting especially) and so spectacular for a groom, groomsmen or guest who not only has some presence but is gorgeous enough to pull it off.  Unfortunately, being a nascent blogger, I was cameraless (won’t happen again), so these images come from the web:

On the complete other end of the wedding spectrum, I attended a low key and no muss, no fuss wedding in Vermont in August.  As you must realize by now, I’m egalitarian on the subject, if it’s wedding-related, I’m into it,  and this for all sorts of reasons, was just wonderful- starting with my very favorite bride and groom’s entrance of all time:

The bride as she alights from the bicycle she arrived on with her father

The groom starts the ceremony by playing the accordion

My Neighborhood- a primer in creativity

Posted on | August 26, 2009 | 7 Comments

Almost three years ago I was dragged  kicking and screaming from my home of 25 years in the West Village. Well it wasn’t quite that dramatic except in my psyche.  The brownstone I had been renting for all that time was going to be sold and I had no choice but to relocate.  I was miserable and looked everywhere to find someplace that made me even a smidgen as happy as living there had, I didn’t think it was possible and was alternately angry or comatose.  I focused lots of my misery on Marc Jacobs as he was omnipresent and I was certain if he hadn’t opened 40 or 50 stores around the corner, I could still afford to live where I wished to.  It was an awful time.  But, then I got lucky-  I came upon Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn, and while  I did swear that I would never be one of those obnoxious outer-boroughers that went on and on about how much they love being out of Manhattan, I have fallen deeply, and madly in love with it.  A particularly fetish of mine has become the front gardens that Carroll Gardens is famous for, I adore them.

The amazing part is, each front garden is almost identical in size, the houses are set back from the street about 30 or 40 feet and the space before the front doors is around 20 by 20 square give or take a few feet.  What an outrageous and eclectic array of choices my neighbors have made! It’s truly astonishing and amuses me no end in my wanderings.  I choose a different way home every time I go out shopping so I can encounter a new variation.

It’s an obvious metaphor I know (what we all do with more or less the same space), but I couldn’t resist sharing it with you:

while some Carroll Gardeners grow minimalist, elegant odes to nature.

And my personal favorite, the one that gets me every time:

Eventista Erupts

Posted on | August 25, 2009 | 3 Comments

First off, Eventista apologizes for being AWOL for a bit, she has been in a slight end-of-summer funk, but is coming out of it and is quite grateful for all her readers who clamored for new pontifications.  I’ll start today with a fairytale:

A very long time ago in a far away place there was a wee eventette, who was asked to speak at The Special Event Convention.  Being immensely flattered and with her ego buoyed by recent career successes (perhaps 15 parties and 8 weddings over 3 years) she jumped at the chance and spent weeks upon end creating spread sheets, hand outs and the like for her prospective audience to teach them the secrets behind her grand career.  The big day arrived and she was suddenly on a stage speaking to about 500 professionals in what seemed like Radio City Music Hall.  Being young enough to not realize that her being there was absurd at best, (“yes, she was so much older then, she’s younger than that now”), she proceeded to give a  rather complicated and circuitous dissertation on budgeting, client relations and other clever concepts that she had clearly pioneered.

Her audience was filled with many real stars of the business who, to her eternal gratitude, were kind enough during question and answers to allow her to preserve her delusions and not eviscerate her (although she did have a sneaking suspicion that perhaps she was outclassed). It is only in retrospect though that she is able to giggle privately about how much she didn’t know, and wonder why in the world, people would have come to hear her speak so many moons ago?….

Eventista’s mailbox these days is cluttered with very creative emails offering a variety of courses GUARANTEED to make one a zillionaire in the special events and/or wedding industry.  From tele-sessions a la “The Secret”, BELIEVE IT AND IT WILL HAPPEN (quaint), to a course promotion I received yesterday, billing itself as a “University” for both wedding planning pros AND brides- how very ecumenical.

Suffice it to say that Eventista cannot say with conviction that all of these seminars are worthless (and, full disclosure, my dear friend Marcy is speaking at Engage 09 The Encore so you might feel there is a conflict of interest here).  I am only strongly suggesting that before you spend your hard-earned or inherited cash, you do your due diligence as to who is offering these courses/get rich quick schematics (how many events have they planned or what is their business background?, years in business, clientele? etc.)  There is plenty to be said about attending a new age-y conference just for the sheer motivating essence of it (Eventista is particularly fond of, and has benefited greatly from, Anthony Robbins seminars around the country).  Just be sure that you have a clear idea of what you expect to get out of your investment of both time and money.

Something else is on my mind today as well; the subtle yet very real differences between arrogance and confidence.

There is no question that great confidence (at least outwardly) is a necessary facet of marketing one’s business.  Arrogance, however, is something else again.  I have read several interviews with well known and succesful pros in our business who repeat ad nauseum the clever sound bite that “they couldnt find anyone in the wedding business who was creative enough or had real vision so they had to go into business.”  It’s almost as if it’s a public service really, virtually a not for profit….

This is not only insulting to the masses of extraordinarily talented and visionary people in the event business but patently untrue- they went into business to make money, which is just fine (but that doesn’t make a great sound bite)…

I’ll post later this week some of the best doozies from clients that were sent our way, there are some good ones!

Do you believe in magic? Part 2 of 2

Posted on | August 18, 2009 | 1 Comment

Okay let’s get back to talking about conjuring magic of all sizes and shapes . We recently had the pleasure of creating a celebration commemorating the birthdays of both a mother and her son.  Let’s just say the total of their years gave us the perfect theme- late 1960s-197o (ish)- how delighted I was to celebrate Woodstock’s 40th and get paid for it.  While it certainly was not an inexpensive party by any “real world” standards, it was still to be funky, low key and not to be perceived as over the top (first time you are hearing this, right?),  particularly because half of the guests were in their early 20s.  So, the challenge was how to subtly yet smashingly (and without resorting to illegal substances) make this party playful and sexy for two very different groups of guests. Obviously, it had to start with the guests being into it . The invitation advised them to dress “circa 1970″ and, on the back, gave them some clues by listing the zillions of groovy, bizarre or impactful events that had taken place that year from the premiere of All In The Family to the First Earth Day to the opening of Disney in Orlando.

The client had chosen an exquisite restaurant, but it was way too big for the amount of  guests, so we had to figure out how to keep it from  looking like a furniture warehouse- we decided to empty it and use it as a huge loft with posters and bean bags.

The entrance way was a good opportunity  to set the tone simply and graphically-a bead curtain and a Happy Birthday gobo in “R Crumb”ish script did the trick:

The perfect welcome drink- tequila sunrises

Claire Bean Design created the floral renditions of iconic posters and Matt Murphy (both of East Hampton) did the beautious lighting.

Peace sign projection on sailboat in the bar

A retro hors d’oeuvres spread included fondue (although I may have been the only person who realized it was  tongue in cheek, but it amused me) but the most important magical touch was my personal favorite- the hippie ducks- lined up on the bar (reminded me of  former boyfriends):

Do you believe in magic? …Part 1 of a 2 part post

Posted on | August 14, 2009 | 3 Comments

Today I’m chatting with you about magic.  It occurs to me that those of us who work in events make J.K. Rowling look like an amateur.  Parties, just like restaurants, can either soar or sink.  It doesn’t have to be anything dramatic to doom a party; the bride doesn’t have to fall down the stairs during the ceremony, the band leader doesn’t have to be slurring, it’s something transcendental and, if you are a pro, or even an inveterate party goer, you know it when it happens.

Recently, I was fascinated by an article in the New York Times about Graydon Carter and how he works on the seating of his two very HOT restaurants, Waverly Inn and The Monkey Bar.  While the reporter was intrigued with the psychological issues prompting Mr. Carter to act as “puppet master”, I knew that he was on the wrong track.  I thought, no, that isn’t what juices this very powerful editor of Vanity Fair, it was clear to me that he was just one of us and what he got his kicks from, each and every evening, was painstakingly and methodically making magic.

We often talk of the “WOW” moment, and so many of my clients over the years have emphasized the importance of their guests walking into their wedding or soiree and just being blown away by the beauty of it.  They want their jaws to drop, and this is certainly not to be dismissed as a precious part of the whole equation.  Truthfully though, if there aren’t talented wizards at work with a template of all the enchanted moments that can and will be conjured up, a drop dead gorgeous room or a gigunda centerpiece can get old pretty fast…

This is where the most talented among us really shine, this is the nitty gritty of our business; the sorcery that helps us decide who this particular crowd is and what sort of music is playing for them as guests arrive, where do they get their first drink, who is making a toast or a speech and for how long (and who should be banned from approaching the mic), what is the emergency procedure for a lull on the dance floor (I’m infamous for sending gorgeous bouncy Lea, my second-in-command, and her crew out on the dance floor as shills), what works as a surprise and what might be too jarring, how are the guests leaving and what is their last memory of the evening?  This list is just a smidgen of the ingredients in the potion, and, as we all know too well- there are no recipes because the variables change each time.

Here’s the bottom line though, and I honestly believe this,  those of us who are worth our salt, and there are certainly plenty, got into this whacko world for that very reason- we had delusions of being Merlin or Glinda.  The pay off is that sometimes, when the moon is in the right place and mercury is not retrograding, we can get pretty damn close!

Eventista elucidates

Posted on | August 10, 2009 | 9 Comments

I’m compiling a compendium of favorite quotes from event and wedding clients and would dearly love to include some of yours.  Please send your doozies to info@adventuresofwedhead.com.  Quotes must be verifiable as being, unfortunately, real.

I’ll start you off:

Bride presents planner with a photo of a wedding she ABSOLUTELY adores.  In the photo are red floral centerpieces, red linens and chair back covers, red candles, and a red crystal chandelier hanging from a red draped ceiling. “Oh,” the planner says “we can definitely do this, not a problem at all, I just had no idea that you loved red so much.”  Blank look from bride followed by, “No, I don’t want it in RED.”

Wealthy groom to planner upon seeing hotel estimate for food and beverage: “You obviously don’t get it, rich people don’t pay full price.”

Socialite upon receiving planner’s fee: “Who do you think you are, Robert Israel?”

***************************************************************************************************

***From My Over and Out posting- a few of you were confused by my obviously too obscure allusion to the “de rigeur wedding shoe photo.”  I was referring to the absurd popularity of a photo of the bride’s Jimmy Choos, or Manolos sitting in the dappled sunlight before she puts them on, somehow I’ve missed the romantic aspect of this.

Wedhead waxes about rehearsal dinners….

Posted on | August 6, 2009 | 3 Comments

I just love the idea of everyone getting together before the wedding and I know it can sometimes be so darn expensive, but I’ve got to say that I really do think that if you invite guests from far away to your wedding, you do need to invite them to some sort of night before festivities.  One way to do this if you really want a smaller dinner is to invite everyone else to a welcome cocktail party before the dinner OR (and this works even better) to host  a dessert party after the dinner where bride, groom and everyone who was at the rehearsal dinner joins up with the other guests (I personally know that Marcy was so insulted she was invited to a wedding in California without being invited to any event the night before that she declined the wedding invite).

Some Tips

Assign someone to M.C. the dinner-you know how cute  and clever all those drunk groomsman think they are after a few shots.  The anecdotes about the grooms former girlfriends or strange hobbies are less likely to surface if the mc informs everyone before what they can say and how long they have.  Now, of course it helps if the M.C. is witty and charming (and Marcy always thinks it’s a good job for someone who is feeling a little left out).

Rehearsal dinners are great ice-breakers for the wedding and they are even more fun if you create a theme or even just a dress code for them that is lighthearted.  I’m all about whimsy and my experience as a guest has been that we do all get into it IF everyone is in it together.  I’ve been asked to wear some yellow to  an “Evening in Provence” rehearsal dinner (and it was a beautious photo op), here is an Indian rehearsal dinner done by Marcy and team (the groom was Indian, the bride American) where the guests were sent the URLs where they could buy saris or churtas and were offered to take their pick of bracelets when they arrived.

The pristine white loft was fitted with an elaborate Indian patterned floral DJ booth by Preston Bailey Designs and danced to tunes spun by the amazing DJ Rehka who rocked the party with Bangara hip-hop.

Pay attention to the seating- whether you want to mix it up so that people are forced to make new friends (put all the table numbers in a fish bowl and ask everyone to pick) or use place cards and make certain that everyone is seated next to different people than they will be seated next to at the wedding. This also can be a way for the bride and groom to honor their parents by sitting with them the “night before” and get out of sitting with them at the wedding.

Lastly, if the pre-wedding dinner guest list is small, you might decide to treat yourselves and your guests to some extravagances you might not consider for a large wedding- at a rehearsal dinner in Nantucket the groom served some of  his precious red wine in Jeroboams and the guests lingered  in a beautiful tent on the water.

Eventista emotes…

Posted on | July 30, 2009 | 10 Comments

While the next post is scheduled to be by Wedhead, Eventista couldnt resist writing a few words before that:

Truly delighted you have all responded to my rant so graciously and all of us here are thankful that you are letting us work out this weird blogging thing in front of an audience (a few kinks I’m sure you’ve noticed).  A few of you had some items to add to the “Over and Out” list and, as this is a democratic blog (particularly when you agree with me), and, as I realized that there were a few particularly nasty things that I inadvertently left out, here follows the finale of items we could really do without, even, as I mentioned before, if they were once cute as buttons.

Oh, one further thing, and I really hope I’m crystal clear on this terribly controversial subject; as so many people were offended by my being foodist about cupcakes (so sensitive)- I wasn’t advocating a pogrom against all cupcakes, I was only suggesting that the cupcake tier in lieu of a cake is   t  i  r  e  d……

So, the addendum:
*Chocolate fountains
* French Manicured acrylic nails the thickness of windshields
* The de riguer truly romantic and beautifully lit ”Designer Shoe” wedding photo
* The concept that sugar flowers on a cake are remotely”edible”

Over and Out…….

Posted on | July 28, 2009 | 51 Comments

So rumor has it that at Engage 09, the luxury wedding symposium in the Cayman Islands, a very vociferous planner in the audience attempted to bully the very elegant and very ladylike Darcy Miller into spilling what “trends” she thought had run their course.  While Darcy is far too clever to be baited so easily, Eventista has no such qualms and actually has been chomping at the bit to give everyone the list of things she, personally, thinks are VERY MUCH over…

Some of these items (like a favorite song that the radio destroyed by playing over and over until you could no longer bear even a note) were good ideas once.  Others were always inane, boring or just plain stupid- she will leave you to decide which things cited fall into which categories:

*Tiers of cupcakes as a wedding cake
*Cutesy and colorful candy displays at weddings (replete with insufficiently sturdy paper bags to take your goodies home in)
*”Celebrity” wedding planners (it says so on their websites) whose celebrity client list consists of having worked with Jennifer Aniston’s body double’s third cousin
*Event planners who are now self-proclaimed “lifestyle” experts (Is there a correlation between throwing a good party and pontificating on styling someone’s life? …I’ve missed it)
*White lounge furniture for after-parties (and pretty soon altogether)
*Poor miserable dogs being stuffed into absurd costumes and dragged down the aisle as a flower creature or ring bearer
*Same goes for terrified small children
*Releasing doves (read this horrendous story today http://news.aol.com/article/wedding-doves-stuck-in-nyc-park/591904), butterflies, or any other living creature as a testament to your new-age fabulousness
*Television shows that not only encourage but delight in brides and grooms behaving horrifically
*Bride and groom’s first dance that soooo unexpectedly (wink, wink) turns into disco madness (by the way, the wedding party groove down the aisle that was everywhere this week- that was actually cool)
*Etiquette columnists in bridal mags that don’t have a clue what in the world they are talking about and are advising [poor women who listen to them] some bizarro nonsense
*Starting a sentence with “In this ecomomy…”
*Bridesmaids dresses for under $200 that anyone actually thinks will be worn again
*Pretentious and absurd pronouncements on entertaining, such as “Rum is the new Vodka”
*Event/wedding designers “demonstrating” with no irony whatsoever how they can shop in a bodega and throw an absolutely extraordinary 16th century ball for 12 dollars max
* Inspiration boards that are Kafka-esque in their relation to a real wedding (uh, let’s see- I’ve got a twig, a  sequin, horses, a fountain, a doorknob and George Clooney)
*4-hour posed photo sessions before the wedding ceremony-(bride has to be up at 4 am for hair and makeup)
*”Black tie preferred” (the super-duper passive aggressive attire suggestion)

Oh, and just for good measure, empty restaurants that wont seat incomplete parties…